Binks gets his blood drawn

So as you all know now Binks is going for his...puppy part removal procedure on Monday. Yesterday he had to go to the vet to get his blood drawn....

I get home to pick him up and am running late because I have to take a ....sample with me to the vet. I tried everything and he just wouldn't go!

"Binks!" I yelled "please just hurry up, the quicker you go the quicker you can have a peanut butter stick!"

"You think that is all it's going to take to get me to willingly farewell to my manhood Beyotch? Peanut butter? You can't be serious"

"fine. Then no PB" and I hoisted him into the back of the car. The whole way to the vet he sang "I am a man of constant sorrow"

"Binks...you are SO dramatic" I yelled back to him. He just looked through the gate and gave me the bird.

We pull up to the Animal Clinic on 28th street and it's pouring down outside.

"Binks you can make this easy on yourself and get it over with otherwise its going to be a loongggg visit"

"Screw you! You'll never take me alive!" Binks screamed as he jumped out of the vehicle.

I grabbed him just in time. "you are going to poop RIGHT NOW Binks! Im not even kidding anymore"

He didnt say a word just walked around the front of the vets office rain ruining my coach purse.

"Quit Fing around Binks and just Do it!"

"FINE!" he yelled at me and finally did his business. I scooped it up into a tupperware container and proceeded to go inside. Just as I opened the door Binks glared at me and said, "I am going to make this visit hell for you" he smiled and walked in.

He wasn't kididng. He ran and tried to jump through the partician and pissed in all four corners of the waiting room. He knocked his tupperware full of steaming turd on the ground and bolted for the exit. Luckily the nurse caught him in time. Into the small waiting room we went and he continued to misbehave by ripping apart an issue of CatFancy and again pissing in all corners of the room.

Finally the vet came in and took him away. I'll admit I did feel a little guilty as I heard him getting his blood drawn. The nurse came back and said "Mrs. Albers, the doctor would like to talk to you in the other room"

Nervous I followed her into the office where the doctor was waiting for me.

"Mrs. Albers, Im concerned about Bink's well being. We found large amounts of Vodka in his bloodstream. I'm worried that he might be....addicted. In fact I'm quite certain he's drunk now"

My answer: "most likely"

"Mrs.Albers Monday when Binks comes in for his operation we need to be sure that he is...completely clean of all...substances"
"Yes sir I understand"

On the way home I explained to the Binks that he would have to resist the urge until after his surgery was over.

He's pissed that he has to experience withdrawl symptoms and adjusting to his new...body all at once.


Again, I feel a little guilty.

The perils of parenting

There comes a time in every parents life when they make the mistake of having a conversation that their child shouldn't be hearing. I made that..last night.

I made a call to the vet. I went into the laundry room so that Binks couldn't hear me. I huddled by the dryer so my conversation would be muffled. I had to schedule....Binks neutering appointment.

I finished the conversation and opened the door and there was binks sitting on the opposite side, rage filling is eyes and shaking him to the core.

"HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!" he yelled

"Binks, I have to...it's part of life. Joe and I have decided that we would like you to lead a life of abstinence. We think it would be best. Plus we are tired of you pissing all over everything when we walk you."

"I'll stop I'll stop!" he shouted "How can you take away my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations in life!?"

"Binks I didn't know you had a dream"

"Everydog has a dream! Save a child from a well, protect their masters from bad guys...mine was to be a male doggy escort and you are taking that away from me!"

"Binks that is not an appropriate dream to have"

Binks tried to describe his pain and anguish to me.

"Your taking something away from me that makes me who I am, something everyone notices about me. Think of it this way, everyone comments you on how nice and curly your hair is. What if one day, I decided to take a clippers to it and you woke up bald? You would be so upset!" Binks cried.

"Binks, That comparison does not make any sense. Your arguement has no validity. My hair has nothing to do with your operation. AND my hair doesn't create babies and NOBODY has ever complimented you on your puppy parts...at least not that I know of?"

"Stop badgering me with your $10 words! You and master Joe are dead to me. You will never take me alive! I will never go anywhere with you again!"

And then he wiped away his angry tears, mumbled a few curse words at me, and went back to his bed to sob in silence. I felt bad but this needs to be done...right?

Binks and the beach walk

Yesterday afternoon I told Binks, "If you are good during my nap, I will take you for a beach walk"
he said "awesome it's about time you got me out of this dump. Ill be good"

but about 15 minutes into my nap I heard the blendor grinding. My first thought was what the heck is Joe making... he knows I am napping! But when I got downstairs it was Binks!

"Binks! What the heck are you doing?!"

He said, "Hey there muchacha you can call be big papa. I thought I'd make us all a round of margaritas to get us into the beach spirit"

"Binks how the F did you learn to use a blendor?"

"Just cause I have paws and no fingers doesn't mean im St st stupid. Now sit down, shut up, and drink the drink"

At first I was pissed because I was woken from my sleep, but then I learned my dog makes a really killer margarita.

Binks and the Toilet

I came home around 5 to let the Binks out and as I was looking I noticed that the toilet was completely empty. I found binks belly up in the corner of the house.
"Binks! did you drink out of the toilet!?!"
"I will not be answering that question"
"Why the hell not Binks?"
"I am embarrassed"
"Why are you embarrassed?" I asked.
"Well If I tell you the answer then you most likely will send me to rehab"
"What do you mean Binks?"
Binks sighed, looked me in the eyes as much as he could. I noticed they were bloodshot and unfocused. He stumbled to sit up and grumbled...

" I thought the toilet water was vodka"

So this is Binks

Binks is the newest addition to the Albers family. My husband and I are recently married and I convinced him (after months and months of begging) to get a dog.

We visited several breeders but in the end decided that we just couldn't afford any of the breeds we were considering (Bernese Mt Dog, Newfoundland, Collie).

Then we got the call....

Heritage Hill Collies gave me a call around mid April saying they had one puppy left and if we were interested, we could come and visit him. She also offered to sell him to us for half the price. We drove two hours to their farm and met Duncan a sable male collie puppy who was more interested in teasing the cats than playing with us. He warmed up to his pretty quickly and we fell in love. Joe didn't know it but I had taken the exact cash amount with me ( I was pretty determined). We took Duncan home with us that day.

The two hour ride home..was a long one. Duncan tried to jump out of the window a few times and threw up all over the car and when we got home he passed out for a few hours. (we were unaware of his drinking problem)

We quickly decided that the name Duncan was to refined for a naughty naughty puppy. We renamed our potty mouthed dog Binks, it just fit.

This blog is to document our daily discovers as to why Binks might have been sold for half the price.

(But we love him anyway)

Enjoy!