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With every ending there is a new start.

While this blog will be closing, my new blog http://www.binksandthebadhousewife.com/ will be opening soon :)

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Bink's Letter to Santa

Binks entered a contest where he had to write a letter to Santa telling him if he was naughty or nice.....

Dear Santa,


My name is Binks and I have been a very naughty puppy this year

My Masters Joe and Abby are at their wits end I fear

Since coming to their house in early spring

I’ve taken it upon myself to destroy everything

I don’t mean to be so bad you see

Just sometimes curiosity gets the best of me

There are things in the house a puppy can’t resist

What have I done? Well here’s a short list



I mistook a table leg for my bone, an easy mistake!

And when my master wasn’t looking, I stole a whole pan of cupcakes

I shredded a couple bills of my master’s money

And unraveled a rug that was looking at me funny

I took down a curtain so outside I could see

And ripped a couple branches off the Christmas tree



I’m still just a puppy; I’m still in my youth

But Santa I just wanted to tell you the truth

I’m a good puppy at heart and I’ll promise to be good

I promise to behave like a man’s best friend should

After all I’ve done my masters still love me

So please Santa make a trip down my chimney



Love,

Baby Binks Albers

Binks Makes the Family Calendar

My cousinish in law is making a family calendar and I said Binks will be in it. He was not happy one bit. He says that he hasn't had a proper haircut since he was born. I said Binks, Collies don't get haircuts, they shed duh. He breathed a sigh of relief.
"I thought I was losing my hair like master Joe. I'm freaking out thinking Dang Im only an 8 month old puppy"
"Chill out binks" I said to him
"Will you at least take me to get a proper wash and blow dry?"
"no, absolutly not" I said.

So we agreed to submit his baby pics.

For your enjoyement

The big day.

2 weeks ago Monday at 7am Bink's time has come. Joe loaded the sad dog into the back of his car. Binks sobbed the whole way to the vet. Under his breath he mumbled the song "Glory Glory Hallelujah".

Joe pulled up to the vet. Binks looked at him and said, " I hate you".
"sorry bud I have to"
binks said, "dont call me bud. I am no longer man's best friend but will shortly become your worst nightmare beyotch"

 "Binks...please"

Quicker than Joe could mutter those words Binks was gone running through the office trying to make his escape through the exit but the nurse caught him. Binks started screaming "YOULL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

Joe couldn't bare the site anymore so he bid farewell to the dog.

Binks struggled so much that it took 6-7 nurses to hold him down to give him the shots. Slowly binks slipped into unconciousness.

He woke up stripped of his manhood and deeply ridden with sorrrow.
Joe went to go pick him up but the nurse suggested that he stay the night because Binks had manuevered himself out of his cone and had further injured himself.

The next day Joe and I went and picked up the Binks and he had this giant cone around his head which he had to wear around his head for about two and a half weeks...which he hated. He would spend hours upon hours trying to get that off. He even turned to continually smacking his head against the wall.

Finally about a week ago Joe went to go let him outside for the morning and found binks with the cone off his head pooping on top of it. Binks just sat there crouching giving us the middle finger.

Forward to about a week later and he is healing nicely. He gave me a rather rude birthday card calling me several curse words but I know he is just angry. The binks even gave me a birthday present....a squeaky beer bottle chew toy...the "beer" label is Miller Bite...
Thanks Binks.

Binks gets his blood drawn

So as you all know now Binks is going for his...puppy part removal procedure on Monday. Yesterday he had to go to the vet to get his blood drawn....

I get home to pick him up and am running late because I have to take a ....sample with me to the vet. I tried everything and he just wouldn't go!

"Binks!" I yelled "please just hurry up, the quicker you go the quicker you can have a peanut butter stick!"

"You think that is all it's going to take to get me to willingly farewell to my manhood Beyotch? Peanut butter? You can't be serious"

"fine. Then no PB" and I hoisted him into the back of the car. The whole way to the vet he sang "I am a man of constant sorrow"

"Binks...you are SO dramatic" I yelled back to him. He just looked through the gate and gave me the bird.

We pull up to the Animal Clinic on 28th street and it's pouring down outside.

"Binks you can make this easy on yourself and get it over with otherwise its going to be a loongggg visit"

"Screw you! You'll never take me alive!" Binks screamed as he jumped out of the vehicle.

I grabbed him just in time. "you are going to poop RIGHT NOW Binks! Im not even kidding anymore"

He didnt say a word just walked around the front of the vets office rain ruining my coach purse.

"Quit Fing around Binks and just Do it!"

"FINE!" he yelled at me and finally did his business. I scooped it up into a tupperware container and proceeded to go inside. Just as I opened the door Binks glared at me and said, "I am going to make this visit hell for you" he smiled and walked in.

He wasn't kididng. He ran and tried to jump through the partician and pissed in all four corners of the waiting room. He knocked his tupperware full of steaming turd on the ground and bolted for the exit. Luckily the nurse caught him in time. Into the small waiting room we went and he continued to misbehave by ripping apart an issue of CatFancy and again pissing in all corners of the room.

Finally the vet came in and took him away. I'll admit I did feel a little guilty as I heard him getting his blood drawn. The nurse came back and said "Mrs. Albers, the doctor would like to talk to you in the other room"

Nervous I followed her into the office where the doctor was waiting for me.

"Mrs. Albers, Im concerned about Bink's well being. We found large amounts of Vodka in his bloodstream. I'm worried that he might be....addicted. In fact I'm quite certain he's drunk now"

My answer: "most likely"

"Mrs.Albers Monday when Binks comes in for his operation we need to be sure that he is...completely clean of all...substances"
"Yes sir I understand"

On the way home I explained to the Binks that he would have to resist the urge until after his surgery was over.

He's pissed that he has to experience withdrawl symptoms and adjusting to his new...body all at once.


Again, I feel a little guilty.

The perils of parenting

There comes a time in every parents life when they make the mistake of having a conversation that their child shouldn't be hearing. I made that..last night.

I made a call to the vet. I went into the laundry room so that Binks couldn't hear me. I huddled by the dryer so my conversation would be muffled. I had to schedule....Binks neutering appointment.

I finished the conversation and opened the door and there was binks sitting on the opposite side, rage filling is eyes and shaking him to the core.

"HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!" he yelled

"Binks, I have to...it's part of life. Joe and I have decided that we would like you to lead a life of abstinence. We think it would be best. Plus we are tired of you pissing all over everything when we walk you."

"I'll stop I'll stop!" he shouted "How can you take away my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations in life!?"

"Binks I didn't know you had a dream"

"Everydog has a dream! Save a child from a well, protect their masters from bad guys...mine was to be a male doggy escort and you are taking that away from me!"

"Binks that is not an appropriate dream to have"

Binks tried to describe his pain and anguish to me.

"Your taking something away from me that makes me who I am, something everyone notices about me. Think of it this way, everyone comments you on how nice and curly your hair is. What if one day, I decided to take a clippers to it and you woke up bald? You would be so upset!" Binks cried.

"Binks, That comparison does not make any sense. Your arguement has no validity. My hair has nothing to do with your operation. AND my hair doesn't create babies and NOBODY has ever complimented you on your puppy parts...at least not that I know of?"

"Stop badgering me with your $10 words! You and master Joe are dead to me. You will never take me alive! I will never go anywhere with you again!"

And then he wiped away his angry tears, mumbled a few curse words at me, and went back to his bed to sob in silence. I felt bad but this needs to be done...right?

Binks and the beach walk

Yesterday afternoon I told Binks, "If you are good during my nap, I will take you for a beach walk"
he said "awesome it's about time you got me out of this dump. Ill be good"

but about 15 minutes into my nap I heard the blendor grinding. My first thought was what the heck is Joe making... he knows I am napping! But when I got downstairs it was Binks!

"Binks! What the heck are you doing?!"

He said, "Hey there muchacha you can call be big papa. I thought I'd make us all a round of margaritas to get us into the beach spirit"

"Binks how the F did you learn to use a blendor?"

"Just cause I have paws and no fingers doesn't mean im St st stupid. Now sit down, shut up, and drink the drink"

At first I was pissed because I was woken from my sleep, but then I learned my dog makes a really killer margarita.